In limbo.

I discard unknowingly. As a result I am left with unsolved mysteries and broken puzzles.

What had I sent out to merit this sort of reply?

What sort of repartee had I come up with?

A chuckle fades as I struggle to remember these details. Now isn't this a tremendously momentous thing to do? All I need to do is to fill in the gaps... achieve a meticulous accumulation of thoughts, wishes and soliloquies.

I am messy. I leave a mess where I have been. I mess around with things that are in close proximity. I am not however a mess. My life is very much in place at present.

It's the people who are supposed to be in it who are far far away but never really out of reach.

I dare say that ultimately; the heart should be a messy place, compartments filled with jagged pieces of jubilance, snippets of laughter, fragmented reflections and the many facets of emotions that we've come to know and most of all a big sloppy side of love.

Out of Never Never Land.

During my adolescence I was plagued with a short attention span, a knack for extremities and a gusto for rebellion. I urged myself to stay a step ahead of comfort and from lopsided stitches and scars I learned the benefits and perils of making friends with the untamed side of me.

Some would say I had episodes of manic depression (scoffs*) but it would sweep me away from conforming. These images of my rebellion once so fixed in my mind are now dancing ghosts. Just as I grab one, they are gone.

However, time, trials and tribulations eventually capsized my revolt and I have emerged mellowed.

But what time had not erased is my unquenchable zest for life, I'd like to think.

And so a new journey begins.

Tucked.

I took a break from military warfare narrations because Daddy asked me to but I have in my hands: War Torn: Stories of War from the Women Reporters who covered Vietnam.

Is it because I've been away from this genre..that I cannot stomach the scenes that comes to mind and eventually invades my sleeep?


"...the soldiers threw the bears peanuts; then one of them casually tossed a lighted cigarette into a bear's mouth. The soldiers laughed as the bear struggled to cough up the burning cigarette."

- Denby Fawcett

I closed the book. I felt sick, where did my balls go???

We are going to take over the world.

@C says:
going mobile is really dem yeng
t@C says:
hahaha
t@C says:
i dun even need a computer
t@C says:
i can access my applications whereever there's a keyboard and a screen
t@C says:
i feel like the guy in die hard 4
t@C says:
heheh
Stella says:
eh i damn liked die hard 4
Stella says:
but nobody else seems to like it
Stella says:
i think the story is damn YENG
t@C says:
it is it is
t@C says:
and what if i tell u that one person is capable of doing that ?
t@C says:
as in everyone and anyone can do it
and it only takes 1 person
Stella says:
with a LAPTOP
Stella says:
hahahahaa
t@C says:
smart enuff to create the ultimate algorythm
t@C says:
something like that
Stella says:
i damn like when kevin smith panics in front of bruce willis
Stella says:
you think im scared of you?? of you?? when thsi man can cripple the US defence system with a LAPTOP?? a LAPTOP??
t@C says:
its typical for him to be in these kinda movies la
Stella says:
i know
Stella says:
hahaha
t@C says:
can man
all u need is an ssh client
Stella says:
you try and cripple the US defense system la fye
Stella says:
i wait here
t@C says:
lol
t@C says:
dun have so much free time
t@C says:
i need to study prolly 10 or more cryptic languages
t@C says:
eh lala
t@C says:
does this phrase:
learning how to learn
sound stupid to u?
t@C says:
as in does it make sense ?
Stella says:
yeah it makes sense
Stella says:
why not
Stella says:
i can make all sorts of sense out of it
t@C says:
really ?
t@C says:
leng
t@C says:
from now on i will not doubt ur ability to decipher what i'm talking about
t@C says:
t@C says:
anyway
t@C says:
i think i have a talent on that particular subject
t@C says:
like seriously
Stella says:
you mean you've doubted before??? (she says aghast!)
t@C says:
kinda
Stella says:
damn tiu.
t@C says:
coz sometime when i talk to u about stuff, u dun respon to it
made me draw 3 conclusions:
1. u weren't listening
2. u couldn't be bothered
3. u dun understand
i. u don't know wtf i'm talking about
ii. u understand but not sure about details
t@C says:
i think i can cross off section ii of the third clause out from now on
Stella says:
dont be a mel ah!
t@C says:
hahahahahahaha
t@C says:
kenot kenot
Stella says:
if i dont respond doesnt mean i didnt take it in
t@C says:
i'm trying to remodel myself abbit
t@C says:
call it tweaking myself or something
t@C says:
sounds dem retarded
t@C says:
hahaha
Stella says:
its because i totally understand its why im speechless and wtf
t@C says:
anyways
t@C says:
i wanna set these things in detail
Stella says:
you never fail to amaze
Stella says:
i shouldnt have learnt
t@C says:
so i will never doubt myself when i need to make serious decisions
t@C says:
lancho
Stella says:
lancho?
Stella says:
whats taht
Stella says:
can eat one ar
t@C says:
i also concluded that most of the time its because u had more pressing matters to be concerned about thats why u dun give a fuck
t@C says:
yeah
u eat it everynight before u go to sleep
t@C says:
paste this in the blog la
t@C says:
hahah
Stella says:
im actually pasting it lor
Stella says:
before i even read your reply

All in a day's work.

For someone who doesn't go out often I have a long day tmrw.

9am- Breakfast with dad

10am- Haircut :( damn sad la

12pm- Lunch with Mel and Kim at Delicious 1utama.

3pm- 2nd lunch at La Bodega Telawi with Samantha and Krystina.

7pm- Buffet dinner in One World Hotel with Ham and his friends.

11pm- Nick's birthday at Hana, Hartamas with Sam.

Yeah there's a method to my madness.

To start off; I have clawed my way back into haleness, reposessing my regular appetite for well.. I'd like to call it sustenance even if my diet consists of 4 meals a day. 2 meals of rice and another two of noodles. Everyone knows noodles doesn't keep you full for long so I've also been treating myself to a healthy amount of junk food. Yes it's an oxymoron and I'm allowed it because I'm cool like that.

So while the excessive eating has been a good thing considering I dropped 6kgs after several visits to the ER and painful painful (if I say it twice it means it was excruciating, harrowing, torturous and everthing in between hell and gnawing your own arm off okay this perenthesis is getting out of hand hah) days and nights in bed weeping, passing out, waking up wishing I HAD the energy to chew my flesh off so as to distract myself from the anguish of gastritis and mild chronic pancreatitis. It's mild but chronic *tsk. Whats up with the contradictions around here. Just because 85% of the young adults in KL and PJ are so doesn't mean medical terms should follow suit.